


Say It Now

by ishipallthings



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Conversations, Fix-It, Hopeful Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Missing Scene, POV Steve Rogers, Pining, Pre-Slash, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 00:24:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20921126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishipallthings/pseuds/ishipallthings
Summary: “I’m glad you’re here, Tony,” Steve tells him. It’s not everything he wants to say, but it’s enough.Steve thinks it might be one of the most important things he’s ever said.Steve and Tony have a conversation the night before the time heist. Maybe second chances aren’t impossible after all.





	Say It Now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sheron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheron/gifts).

> Written for Sheron for the fandomgiftbox exchange, thank you for writing such a lovely Endgame Steve/Tony fic for me for MTH 2018, I hope you like this!
> 
> Thank you to erde and mazikeen for the beta help and supportive comments. 
> 
> Title is from Say It Now by The Afters.
> 
> This fic takes place the night before the time heist and is canon-compliant up to that except that Pepper and Tony are not together romantically but they co-parent Morgan.

“Want some help with those?” 

Steve keeps his voice light as he steps into the kitchen, eyes fixed on Tony’s form, curved over the sink as he reaches for the dishwasher soap. Everyone else is still in the communal area, trading jokes and wisecracks in groups, the misery and loss of the last five years momentarily lightened by the prospect of a chance to fix things.

And Steve’s here, looking for Tony. 

It feels like he’s always looking for Tony now, meeting his eyes across a room, drinking in every flicker and change of expression that he can read in Tony’s face, searching for his eyes first every time anyone makes a useful suggestion. Every time Tony looks back at him, gaze steady and open, every time he doesn’t turn away, it feels like another gift Steve isn’t sure he’s earned, just like the weight of the shield on his arm as Tony adjusted the brace for him, voice soft and almost gentle in the face of Steve’s uncertainty. It doesn’t make up for the lost years and chances behind them, but it’s a start.

Steve knows his exit hadn’t gone unnoticed - he had caught Nat’s knowing look from the other end of the table as he stood up from his chair, and he knows if Sam were here he’d be giving Steve the same look. Thinking of Sam leaves Steve with a familiar pang of wistfulness, a sharp twinge of _Iwishhewashere._ This time, it’s a pang tempered by the hope that has slowly taken root in Steve since the moment Tony stepped out of his car at the Compound, with words that Steve never expected to hear and a way to bring everyone back. 

“The others kick you out, Cap? Or did you get bored of listening to Rocket crack himself up insulting our tech?” Tony turns in Steve’s direction at the sound of his voice, plate in one hand, dishtowel in the other.

“Insulting _your _tech, you mean. And I think you got him back with the razor trick pretty well today.” Steve answers, and his grin blossoms into a wider smile at Tony’s laugh, quiet but real as he flicks the dishtowel in Steve’s direction.

He hasn’t heard Tony laugh in years. For a while, Steve thought he might never hear it again. He feels almost dizzy at the sound and ducks his head a little to hide what he knows is a very telling expression on his face. Steve never knew what to say to Tony about so many things, words clogging useless and heavy in his throat until they came out all wrong. But Tony was always good at reading him, and there are some things Steve knows he has no right or reason to hope for, even if he and Tony get a chance to rebuild a little of what they broke.

“Well, if you want to help, you might as well make yourself useful.” Tony tosses a bemused glance in Steve’s direction as he comes up beside Tony, propping himself up close to the sink. 

“You make the call, I’ll follow.” Steve quips, and for a moment he thinks he’s gone too far, his tone too fond and familiar for whatever his relationship with Tony is now, a patchwork of wrong first impressions and sharp words and smiles, mistakes and what-ifs and all his regret, and his breath catches in his throat. Too much. 

Tony lets out a snort before handing Steve the dish towel. Steve’s breath loosens in his suddenly too-tight chest. 

“I’ll wash, you dry,” Tony tells him, and soon enough they’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm, Steve reaching for the plate just as Tony’s about to hand it over, in sync with each other’s movements. 

They may have made a mess of things between them, but it seems that they’re still good together at some things. Like washing dishes, Steve thinks wryly. If only the fate of the universe depended on them finishing the cleanup, they’d have nothing to worry about. 

Reaching for the plate in Tony’s outstretched hand, Steve settles his gaze on Tony, relishing the chance to take in the details up close, the dash of grey in Tony’s hair and the crow’s feet etched around the corners of his eyes. Details that serve as a reminder of all the years they’ve spent apart, one phone call away and then later, with half the universe gone. The deep brown of his eyes flecked with hints of amber, no longer hidden behind his ever-present glasses. Steve used to spend hours trying to get the shade of brown exactly right, drawing pencils worn down to the nub, refusing to put a name to the feeling that sent his heart pounding and his face flushing. 

Steve drinks it all in, a heady rush of warmth spreading through his body until he has to clench his hands at his sides for a moment to keep them from shaking. 

Tony’s still so damn gorgeous it takes Steve’s breath away.

“Cap?” Steve blinks, focusing on the sound of Tony’s voice as he tries to stop his thoughts from wandering down a dangerous path. 

“Sorry, I was just,” Steve flounders for a moment as Tony’s gaze sweeps over him consideringly, a mountain of emotions building up at the back of his throat until all he can taste is longing. 

Pausing, Steve anchors himself in a simple truth. “I’m glad you’re here, Tony,” he finishes. It’s not everything he wants to say, but it’s enough. 

Steve thinks it might be one of the most important things he’s ever said. 

The words hang in the air between them. Steve’s the one standing in front of Tony with an olive branch in his hand this time, not sure if Tony will take it or turn away. 

He thinks of Tony ripping the nano arc reactor from his chest and thrusting it in Steve’s hand five years ago, and wonders if he felt the same as Steve does now, an open dull ache as he waits, not knowing if Tony will strike. He thinks of how happy he had been when he realized that Tony had come after him to help in Siberia, believing that they could still do this together before it had all come crashing down, and hopes that maybe, if Tony wants, they can go back to that. _ It’s good to see you, Tony. You too, Cap. _ And now, _ I’m glad you’re here, Tony. _

“I know.” Tony’s reply is very quiet when it comes, almost a whisper. Steve hears it as if Tony had said it leaning close to him, his lips brushing Steve’s ear. He flinches at the phantom touch, a jolt of electricity pulsing through his veins, and scrambles to find the right words, any words to respond. Tony’s always had a talent for leaving him speechless.

“You do?” Steve asks, because he can’t say anything else. 

Tony drops the last unwashed plate into the sink before reaching down to tap the fingers of his right hand against his thigh. It’s a nervous tic that Steve recognizes, and for a moment, that spark of recognition leaves Steve feeling a little lighter. There are still some things about Tony that he knows, a sweet secret knowledge that he can keep for himself. He may never have Tony the way he wants, the way he only lets himself acknowledge in his weakest moments, but at least he’ll have this.

“Yeah,” Tony says. His face does something complicated, and there’s emotion there Steve can’t quite read, but then his features relax, growing soft. “I know.”

_ Are you glad to be here with me,_ Steve almost asks, but he holds himself back. It’s enough for Steve that Tony believes him, that he knows a little of how much it means to Steve to have Tony here beside him again, after years of imagining it to be impossible. It feels good to have told Tony that, to give instead of only taking this time. It makes saying his next words all the more easier. 

“I’m so sorry, Tony. For not telling you about your parents.” Tony takes a step back at this as if to run from the room, his expression wiped clean of any emotion. Steve wants to reach for him, to touch him and tell him not to leave, but he can’t. If Tony leaves, it’ll be what Steve deserves, even if he’s hoping desperately that Tony will choose to stay.

“You really want to do this?” Tony asks, after a minute of tense silence that seemed to stretch out between them like something impenetrable. There’s a note of challenge in his voice, but also something yielding that is almost pleading, and Steve nods. 

“Tony, if you don’t want to say anything else, I’ll go away and we’ll never speak of it again, but I’ll hear anything you want to tell me.” Steve has no idea what’s coming next, but he wants whatever Tony is willing to give him. 

“I tried so hard to hate you, you know? I thought, hey, this will be a piece of cake, my whole childhood was a practice run for hating Captain America. And for a while, it was easy to think I did hate you, that we were done.” 

Tony lets out a scoff, running a hand through his hair distractedly. “But I still kept the phone you gave me, and I had FRIDAY work to keep Ross off your back whenever there were rumors of Cap sightings. It’s taken me years and more therapy than I’d like to admit, but I never really hated you, even when I thought I did.

“At first I told myself that you didn’t care, that it was easy for you to walk away, and if it was easy for you, then it should be easy for me to forget about you.” Tony smiles at that, and it’s a bitter, razor-sharp smile that cuts straight to Steve’s heart. “I believed it for a while.”

The protest bursts out of Steve before he can stop himself, his heart climbing to his throat. “Tony, please believe me, it was never -”

“But then I would see that stupid phone - and really, Steve, a flip phone? And I knew, deep down, that wasn’t true, even if it made things harder. Because if you cared, then how could you do it?” Steve bites down on his lip until he tastes the metallic tang of blood, watching Tony pace around the room as he continues, almost like he hadn’t heard Steve’s interruption.

“It took me a long time to see that it wasn’t all on you, even if I wish you’d trusted me enough to tell me. Zemo was manipulating all of us. So I guess what I really want to ask you is, if you had another chance to do things differently, would you?” 

It was never about trust, Steve wants to tell him. For all their disagreements and clashes on and off the field over the years, trust was never an issue for him with Tony. _ I was selfish, I didn’t want to be the one to hurt you like that. _He doesn’t think it’ll make a difference though, what he wanted. Tony had still ended up hurt and alone in the end. 

Steve wishes he knew the answer Tony’s looking for, gazing at him from across the room with an unreadable expression. All he has left is the truth. 

“In a heartbeat. If I could do it over, I would tell you the truth, and maybe that would have made all the difference.” Steve pauses, shame curdling in his stomach at what he needs to admit next. “I don’t know if I would have told you, if things hadn’t happened the way they did with Zemo, I honestly don’t know. All I can say is that not telling you about your parents is one of the biggest regrets of my life.”

Regret has colored so much of his relationship with Tony, from that first moment when he watched Tony fly into the portal, laying his life down on the wire, to the dull thud of his shield hitting the floor of a Siberian bunker, and a phone full of unsent messages that never rang until it was too late.

Steve watches Tony absorb his admission in silence before giving a tight, quick nod. He knows that the idea of Tony never finding out, of Steve never telling him is hard to swallow, but it’s the most honest answer he has. 

What Tony says next almost makes Steve think Tony can read his thoughts. “You’re not the only one with regrets. I, I know should have called.” Steve breathes in deep at the welcome weight of Tony’s confession, and the ache of what should have been is so heavy that for a moment it’s hard to breathe.

“I wish you had. I would have been there.” Another promise made in the aftermath, one foot in the past while chasing the future, wanting to walk in step with the futurist. Steve thinks to himself, _ I’ll never leave you again, if you let me stay,_ and it’s another kind of promise.

When he looks up again, Tony has stopped pacing and is leaning against the sink next to Steve, an arm’s length away. Steve remembers the flash of courage that had him moving forward to cup Tony’s elbow when they were at the lakehouse with Morgan, dreading the expected rejection but only meeting warmth, and swallows hard.

“We don’t get do-overs, Cap.” The hard finality of Tony’s statement is belied by the gentleness of his tone. Steve isn’t brave enough to read that as forgiveness, but it still leaves him feeling warm. 

“What about second chances?”

Tony lets out a weak laugh, absentmindedly rubbing circles over the inside of his palm with his thumb before answering. “Isn’t that what this whole heist is about? Giving ourselves a second chance to get them back?”

“Sounds like you’ve been infected by a little giddy optimism there, Shellhead.” Steve lets a hint of fondness color his voice, only a small fraction of everything Tony has ever made him feel. The nickname falls from his lips without thought, and Steve relaxes when he sees Tony smiling at it. 

“Your giddy optimism wouldn’t help if we didn’t have a way to execute the plan, Rogers.” Tony counters. Steve responds with a grin. Just for a moment, he feels lighter than he has for a long time. “I know, that’s what we have a genius on the team for.”

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Cap,” Tony responds, but there’s laughter in his words.

Steve lets out a brief chuckle at that before his thoughts return to the plan, his mood turning somber. “You think we can actually pull this off? Do we really have a chance or are we kidding ourselves?” 

“There’s never a guarantee, Steve.” Steve feels Tony’s gaze scrutinizing him as he speaks. Being the focus of Tony’s attention used to make him feel unsteady and clumsy with his words, like anything he said wouldn’t measure up. Now, Steve turns towards it like a beacon, soaking in the force of it and the warmth behind it.

“But we have a solid method, we have the whole team together… we have to do this. You were right, we have to try.” Tony’s voice is lit with firm, steady resolve, and Steve has to use up every single ounce of his self-control not to lean over and kiss him.

“I’m terrified of losing Morgan if something goes wrong, she’s the most important thing in my life. But I want to be a father she can be proud of, and I could never be that if I gave up the chance to get everybody back.” Tony’s words hit Steve hard like a body blow, and he lets out an involuntary sound of pain that has Tony frowning at him. 

“You’re a wonderful father, Tony. I only saw you two together for a short while, but I know it’s true.” Steve wonders if Tony ever regrets his failed engagement with Pepper, if he would take it back if he could, for Morgan, for himself, but stops himself before that thought goes any further. It’s not his place to wonder.

“Thanks, Cap,” Tony’s smile is almost shy as he looks at Steve before leaning in closer, something bright in his gaze. “So that’s the plan then, get this second chance right, and come home.”

“To second chances,” Steve says tentatively.

“To second chances,” Tony echoes, a note of wonder in his voice. His hand is warm right next to Steve’s. It feels a little like hope.

**Author's Note:**

> I know this isn't a full fix-it, but the boys do talk through their issues, and in my head they go on the time heist, defeat Thanos, and Steve and Tony get their happy ending :D
> 
> This is my first Endgame fic, and incidentally, my first fic dealing with any canon past Avengers 1. I wanted to try and have Steve and Tony resolve some of their issues during Endgame while still managing to move forward, hopefully I've succeeded to some extent :)
> 
> Comments and kudos are the best, I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> I'm on twitter and tumblr as ishipallthings, come talk to me about stevetony :)


End file.
